The church is a place strongly believed to be a safe haven for love, acceptance, and support by many but also to many, it has been a place that caused deep pain and hurt. A place where gossip, judgment, exclusion, and even abuse has hurt many in several traumatic ways. If you as an individual have been a victim of this “church hurts,” know that you’re not alone; many have walked similar paths, and there is hope for healing and restoration.

Understanding Church Hurt

Church hurts can manifest itself in a lot of ways. You might feel betrayed (Psalm 55:12). You might feel angry (James 1:19-20). You might feel disillusioned (Job 23:3-4). You might feel ashamed (Romans 7:24). You may struggle with your faith, questioning God’s love and kindness and wondering if you really belong in the church community. You should know that these are all normal human reactions to experiencing pain within a shared and trusted space.

For example,

A young lady, Sarah, was raised in a strict religious environment. She constantly felt suffocated by judgment and all the high expectations placed on her (Matthew 7:1-2). She eventually felt the need to distance herself from the church, carrying the burden of feeling like an outsider, an imposter.

Then there is James; he has been a faithful member of his church for years now but was ostracized by the community after his divorce (1 Corinthians 7:15). The pain of that rejection left him deeply wounded and questioning his faith and all he believed.

Hear of Michael, a talented musician who was silenced by church leadership after questioning their interpretation of scriptures (Proverbs 29:18). He felt robbed of his voice and bearing the weight of that feeling accompanied by the pain of being misunderstood; he devastatingly dropped into a pool of depression.

The Journey to Healing

Healing from Church hurt is a personal journey, but you don’t have to be alone through it all. There are some practical steps that you could take to help receive that feeling of wholeness once more that your hurt had robbed you of.

1. Acknowledge your Pain The first step to healing is acknowledging the pain that you’ve experienced. Don’t ignore it and pretend it never happened, and that the pain means nothing to you. Allow yourself to feel hurt, anger, or even sadness. Bottling up your emotions will do you no good.

2. Seek Support Surround yourself with supportive people who understand that you are in pain and will stick with you through it. Talk to friends, family, and a therapist or a spiritual mentor. Consider joining a support group specifically for people who have had similar experiences (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

3. Reclaim Your Voice It is important to tell your story. Write about what happened, talk to someone and tell them all about it. This will help you process your emotions outside of your head and aid your healing process (Psalm 51:17).

4. Forgive Forgiveness is not about condoning the actions of others but rather releasing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment. You choose to forgive for your sake and not that of the people who hurt you. This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, but it allows you to move forward in life in spite of what happened (Matthew 6:12).

5. Re-examine your Faith Don’t let the hurt you’ve faced destroy your faith. Rather, it should lead you to ask questions that will help you understand better the essence of Faith in times like these. Seek guidance from trusted sources and try to really define and rediscover your faith.

6. Seek Reconciliation In some cases, it might be possible to reconcile with the reason for your pain. This decision is deeply personal and should only be taken when you feel ready and safe. Reconciliation might not erase the past but it can be a powerful step towards healing and forgiveness.

7. Reconnect with God Remember, God’s love and grace are not limited by the actions of others (Romans 8:38-39). Despite the hurt you’ve faced, God’s love is always true and constant towards you. Reconnect with your faith through prayer, Bible study, worship, etc. engage in activities that bring you closer to God.

In reconnecting with God, it is important to remember that His love is an ever-present reality and that he desires to meet you amidst your struggles and pain. He desires to give you comfort, healing, and complete restoration. Some ways to reconnect with God:

1. Prayer Pour out your heart to God in prayer. Express your pain and anger and confusion. Tell him exactly how everything made and is still making you feel. Ask for guidance, wisdom, and strength to help navigate this difficult time. Remember God hears your cries and he sees your tears and pain (Psalm 34:18).

2. Scripture Immerse yourself in studying the word of God. The bible serves as the living and express word of God in all situations so, find verses that speak to your situation, meditate in scriptures that remind you of God’s love (Romans 8:28).

3. Worship Sing songs of praise to God and spend quiet time in His presence. Allow yourself to feel his love and grace through music and let it wash away your pain and anxiety (Psalm 22:3).

4. Nature Spend time appreciating the beauty of God’s creation in nature. Take walks, sit by a river, star gaze or simply watch animals as they interact with the world around them. Finding a connection with nature can help you feel closer to God and finding peace (Psalm 8:3-4).

5. Serving Others Shift your focus from your own pain and find ways to serve others in need. Volunteer to charities, help those around you, or simply offer a kind word to someone. These acts can help your process of healing.

Finding your Community

Healing can be a long and difficult journey but with God’s help and support from others, it is possible to find your way back to wholeness. Online communities exist for this purpose; there are support groups and forums where you can connect with others, share your story and listen to others to receive the feeling of understanding once more.

Christian counseling can also provide guidance and support as you navigate your emotions and process your pain with someone who specializes in faith-based issues. Study faith-based resources that are offered by many organizations and churches to help build back your faith in the face of your situation.

Remember that you are not alone. Many others who have walked this same path have found healing and restoration, and you can too. You can overcome your pain and hurt to discover a deeper and more fulfilling relationship with God.